


Getting involved

by sherlylikeswaffles



Category: Sherlock (TV)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-01
Updated: 2016-02-01
Packaged: 2018-05-17 16:14:02
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,378
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5877295
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sherlylikeswaffles/pseuds/sherlylikeswaffles
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sherlock is back but he isn't fine. Molly comes to talk to him and he admits to her what it's like for him to get involved.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Getting involved

**Author's Note:**

> It's been so long since I wrote any Sherlock fanfiction and this is Sherlock's POV. I'm sorry this is not beta'd. All mistakes are mine. Enjoy and let me know what you think!

Light footsteps. A pause. A cautious knock. Molly.

“Please come in, Molly,” Sherlock called before she could even ask.

Molly stepped into the living room. She looked as pretty as always, he thought. She wore a colourful jumper with a white blouse beneath it and had her hair tied up into simple up-do.   
A sincere smile spread across her face as she said: “Hello Sherlock. I'm glad you came back.”  
He knew that she really meant it. 

There hadn't been much time before he had left, presumably forever. But he hadn't left without a note for Molly. She deserved to know the truth. Writing a note had been hard but easier than saying good bye face to face like he had to with John. 

“That makes both of us,” he told her.

“I got your note, Sherlock,” Molly said quietly.

Sherlock waited.

“Please tell me you stay for good this time,” she said. It sounded like she wanted to cry. But she didn't. Molly was stronger than that.

“I hope so, Molly. I hope so,” he said.

“You know what I mean…I talked to John. He told me you overdosed on the plane.”

“So are you here to slap me again?” Sherlock asked her with a smirk. Those slaps hadn't really hurt him but they had certainly left an impression on him. 

Molly smiled at the memory. But then her expression turned sad again.  
“No, Sherlock. I came because I wanted to see you and...”

“I'm fine,” Sherlock interrupted her although she hadn't asked about that...yet.

“We both know you are not,” Molly said. Sometimes he hated how she could see right through his lies. 

Sherlock didn't reply but his silence was admission enough. 

“Sherlock,” Molly began, “this had nothing to do with what happened with Magnussen. At least not directly. Am I right?”

“Would you like to sit down?” Sherlock asked as a way of answering. He didn't want her to stand because this conversation might take a while.

Molly sat down and Sherlock across from her.  
“You are right,” he finally said, “when John brought me to you to take the drug test, I didn't take drugs because I needed to for the case. It certainly made things easier but...”

“It was an excuse. An excuse to hide the real reason?”

“The real reason is that I missed John. Ever since I came back from being dead, things had not been like they used to before I had left. I knew I had to expect change but then he married Mary, he moved out from our flat...”

“I figured as much. Your best man speech made clear what I've already known...how much you care about John. And Sherlock, he cares about you, too. He won't leave you just because he's married now. I have seen John when you weren't there and he missed you, too. So much,” Molly told him looking into his eyes. 

“I know that he doesn't want to but he did and he will do it again. He has a wife and soon he's going to be a father. Molly, things will never be like they were before. I will just have to accept that.”

“And by accepting it, you mean you will get high whenever it gets too much?” Molly asked angrily.

“Molly...” he wanted to tell her that he wouldn't do tat. That he was going to be fine. But he couldn't lie to her. So he said the words that were the hardest for him to say: “I don't know.”

“But I do, Sherlock,” Molly told him, “You can fight this. And you know why? Because your life is precious. So precious. And we need you to be in our lives, not only alive but healthy.”

“We?”

“Yes, we as in John, Mary, Mrs Hudson, Greg, Mycroft, your parents and...me. We need you. And I know you might not want to admit this but you need us, too. Sherlock, you are not alone with this. John might be busy having a life of his own but when you need him, he'll always be there. And so will the rest of us.” 

 

"Molly, I know that people care about me. I really do. But it's...it's difficult for me to talk," he knew he didn't sound very intelligent right now. He hated how she made him forgot what he wanted to say. He rambled.  
Molly frowned in confusion.

"I mean I talk a lot but I don't talk a lot about my feelings. I don't know how...how people do it."

"I understand." Molly said and he knew that she really did.  
She didn't press him to say anything but eventually he did anyway.

"There's something else to this. Why I don't feel well right now. When I overdosed on the plane, I went into my mind palace for a rather long time. In the mind palace I had a conversation with John about...about why I was alone. John, the John in my mind palace, he wanted to know if I ever had a romantic relationship with anyone. And mind palace me didn't want to talk about it. But now I keep thinking about it and what I would answer. I used to think that being alone would protect me. Mycroft told me that I shouldn't get involved. And yet I keep wondering if I would not be better off getting involved. Being away from John, from you, my friends, I didn't like it. But being with you, it makes it feel like it's all worth it.”

“Getting involved is not such a bad thing?” Molly asked.

“No, it's good actually. To have friends. To care about people.”

“And yet, you seem to forget that people care about you, too.”

“No, Molly. I know. I know that you do care. Also I know that it's more than that for you.”

Molly sucked in her breath and looked at him with wide eyes.

“Sherlock,” she said, but he wasn't sure he wanted to hear it.   
“Sherlock, you are right. I guess I should have known you would deduce it. I couldn't get over you. And I don't really want to. I love you. I might have admired you for your intellect and looks but I fell for your heart.”

“Molly, you really shouldn't,” he told her. 

Molly smiled. “I guess I know that but I can't. So please Sherlock, I'm a doctor. I know what drugs can do to people. But I'm also a pathologist and I don't ever want to find you lying on my table. Ever.”

“I'll talk to Anderson and make sure he doesn't give me to you,” he told her with a slight smile. 

She let out a surprised laugh. “See? You do care because you want to lighten up the mode when it gets really sad...but Sherlock, I'm serious.”

“So am I, Molly, when I tell you that I don't want to make any promises but I will try my best.”

“That's the best I can hope for,” Molly told him and as an instinct she reached out for his hand. The touch felt like electricity shot through him. He carefully squeezed her hand in both of his. There were so many things he wanted to tell her but he didn't know how…

“You were in mind palace,” he said quietly after a while. He didn't dare to look at her. He might say something stupid. 

“I was?” she sounded surprised. 

“Yes, you were a pathologist but in my mind palace we were at the end of the 19th century and women weren't allowed to be doctors. So you were dressed like a man. You had a fake moustache,” he told her. She laughed. It sounded like a giggle and he couldn't help but look up. 

“I'd love to see that,” she said. 

“Yes, anyway, I just wanted you to know that you were there.”

Molly nodded slowly. She didn't seem to know what to say.

“You are always there,” he added after a while. 

Molly looked up at him, wonder in her eyes. “Sherlock?”

“Thank you, Molly. For always being there for me,” Sherlock told her. His voice was barely a whisper. 

“Every time. Always,” she replied, just a quietly.


End file.
